How NOT to cook Stuffed Eggplant and Paranthas with Ed Sheeran's music!

Disclaimer: Ed Sheeran's music and Tarla Dalal's recipe are not responsible for the end result on this page.

Ingredients for Background Music:

• Youtube - Ed Sheeran songs
• Good internet connection and enough downloadable data

Ingredients for Masala (copied from the recipe site):

• 1 1/2 cups finely chopped onions
• 1/4 cup unsalted peanuts , roasted and coarsely crushed
• 1/4 cup freshly grated coconut
• 4 tsp chilli powder
• 3 1/2 tbsp tamarind (imli) pulp
• 2 tbsp grated jaggery (gur)
• 1/2 tsp turmeric powder (haldi)
• 1 tbsp garam masala
• 1 tbsp finely chopped coriander (dhania)
• 1 tsp oil (optional)
• salt to taste

Ingredients for the main dish (copied from the recipe site):

• 8 small brinjals , black variety
• 1 tbsp oil
• 1/2 tsp mustard seeds ( rai / sarson)
• 1/4 tsp asafoetida (hing)

What (not) to do:

So, you're back home a bit delayed and guess what? You feel like eating eggplant. So you look up the recipes online (where else!) and come across this promising recipe site: https://goo.gl/CEJbzO.

And you start with what so far seems to be a verrrry yummy dish! 

Part 1 of "What (not) to do"):

1. Take your laptop to the kitchen, keep it at a safe place. 
2. Open Ed Sheeran songs in Youtube, let them run in the background.
3. Reach out for onions, realise today is the last day of Navratri and decide to do without them.
4. Roast and coarsely crush 1/4 cup of unsalted peanuts.
5. Grate 1/4 cup coconut, all the while feeling good about how great this is going to turn out.
6. Take 2 tsp chilli powder instead of 4 (on hindsight, take only one or none!)
7. Keep aside 3.5 tbsp tamarind pulp.
8. Search frantically around for jaggery, realise that you do not have jaggery at home, settle for 2 tbsp of Boora sugar instead.
9. Keep aside 1.5 tsp of turmeric powder and 1tbsp of garam masala.
10. Look closely at the coriander that you thought was lying in the kitchen, realise it is mint and decide to go for it anyway.
11. Oil is optional, ditch it.
12. Take 1 tsp of salt (as per your taste)
13. Mix all of the above except your laptop and Ed Sheeran songs.

Part 2 of "What (not) to do":

1. Open the refrigerator to find that you do not have 8 small eggplants, but 2 medium sized ones! Shake your head and go for one medium sized one.
2. Make criss cross slits on this one (watch out for tiny worms - shouldn't be there! If you're a non-vegetarian, carry on regardless.)
3. Stuff the single baingan with as much of Part 1 of "What (not) to do" as you can. Leave the rest of the mix aside.
4. Heat oil in a pan and add mustard seeds and once they start crackling, add asafoetida and the rest of the masala mix. Sauté this on a medium flame for a minute.
5. Add the stuffed brinjal and instead of 1/3 cup of hot water as suggested on the site, add 1 cup of water at normal temperature.
6. Mix gently and pressure cook on high flame for 3 whistles.
7. Let this cool (instead of using the quick release method to release steam as suggested) and work on paranthas!

Paranthas (Flat bread):

1. Take two cups of wheat flour in a bowl and add a little water to it. Mix using your hands.
2. Realise you put in too much water, add more dry flour to the container.
3. Repeat steps 1 and 2 as many times as required.
4. Once the dough is more or less consistent, add a little salt and little water and knead to give the dough a good finish. Yes, giving a good finish is realistic.
5. Make two small tennis balls out of the dough, flatten and roll them out (One at a time please!)
6. Spread a little oil on the top side of the rolled-out-previously-tennis-ball-shaped-dough and fold it twice.
7. Roll it out to the length you like best, keeping the size of your frying pan in mind.
8. Once the pan is hot, put the rolled out parantha on it, dab a little oil on both sides and let it cook till dark brown spots appear on both sides.
9. Take down the parantha once it looks well cooked. Repeat the procedure for the other tennis ball.
10. Important: Do not make more than 2 paranthas, if you're having this as your dinner.

Procedure to eat:

1. Clean the kitchen to ensure that there is no evidence left of your deeds.
2. Plate the paranthas and the baingan sabzi nicely. It should at least look appetising (see picture).
3. Sit down to eat, take a bite, ignore the fact that your ears are on fire and chew slowly.
4. Decide to eat only one parantha.
5. Finish the food and convince yourself it was yummy.
6. Keep dishes in sink, rush to the refrigerator, dish out half the bar of ice-cream in any (at this moment it doesn't matter which!) vessel.
7. Eat your dessert and be happy about the happy ending! :)

Important: Remember you are a decent cook and that you have intentionally exaggerated things "a bit" at your own expense while creating this post. :D